BUILDING AND MAINTAINING YOUR CONFIDENCE
Confidence can be described as a state of mind in which we make decisions that we know are correct. Originating from the Latin word {federe} which means trust or to trust (wiki, don’t judge me), confidence means you have trust in your decision-making ability and in yourself. I would also like to add that confidence can also be described not only as trust but as comfort since we must be comfortable with ourselves to exude confidence.
Building confidence
Some people are simply just confident, they are born or raised this way. They do not seek validation from anyone and fully understand what it takes to maintain a reasonable amount of confidence naturally. It is not one belief but a system of beliefs that they possess that makes them confident. I think I can do it, is always their go-to primary thought, the secondary thought would usually be - I need to figure out how I can do this. Most people think confidence is being well put together and they are correct, but real confidence is being put together from the inside-out. When you have trust in yourself your decision-making skills and confidence come naturally. Start by making small, positive, and purposeful decisions, make these decisions while keeping in mind that even if you are wrong you can still say you’ve tried to make the best choice at that moment with the information you had available.
An example of a positive and purposeful decision is goal setting - Start small and celebrate as each goal is accomplished, wake up early, work out for 30 minutes, cut back on junk food, call an older relative, listen more, spend more time goofing around with your children, the options are endless. Just make a small plan and stick to it, eventually, this may lead to the setting of bigger goals and smashing goals build confidence.
Making the choice to be more organized is another example of a positive and purposeful decision. Now, no one is saying you have to put your whole life in an organizer but you can start by creating little systems, wake up - spread your bead - jump in the shower or clean your home every Saturday, or making sure that everything has a place that it belongs, this way returning it to its proper place is simple. I personally had to re-learn this “everything in its place” system as I used to clean and organize by just putting different things in different places all the time, but doing that made it easier to put things just anywhere and that recreated a mess. You need to know where to look for items when you need them, the more organized you become, the more confident you will become in your ability to find the things you need to accomplish tasks. Being organized is preparation and prepared people are usually confident in their ability to deliver whatever is required of them.
Affirmations are secret mental tools in the confidence-building game. I like affirmations because I am an over-thinker, I think and rethink about every voluntary decision I make and it is exhausting, Affirmations cure the clutter by pushing my thoughts into one simple direction. I do not always remember to do this but when I do it is very helpful. Speaking to yourself in a compassionate and encouraging manner is essential for confidence building. Please remember that affirmations have to be done correctly to be effective. Don’t wake up and say - I can be the queen of the world today, Realistically you are not in line for the throne so while saying this feels good at the moment it would not be an effective affirmation for in the long run, it’s just a booster. Do wake up and say - I am beautiful, Do wake up and say - I will accomplish my goals today. Do wake up and say - I am resilient. Reflect on who you are and make that personal connection when you choose an affirmation. Whenever I have the opportunity I try to remind myself that I am beautiful, inside and out and I focus my thoughts on the good qualities that I have.
Style is important in building confidence. Your style is a mix of who you are, how you want people to see you, and your comfort level. First, you have to determine your style, you can do this by simply asking yourself questions like what color looks best on me? what fit looks best on me? I like cute and sometimes preppy looking outfits, sometimes I like Boho chic outfits, I prefer low to mid-heels and comfort over sexy high heels, I absolutely love black, white, and neutral tones even though ill take a splash of color every once in a while. Just find your core style and build out from there. Have a basic but consistent skincare and self-care routine. keep track of what’s happening with your body is your hair looking alright? is your skin dry? are your teeth stained? What can you rationally do about any of these things? Sometimes small changes are indicators of larger issues that you can catch quickly. Do you wear makeup? if yes try to practice how to perfect your everyday make up look, don’t be afraid to try new products. The better you think you, look the more confident you will feel when addressing someone else.
The last thing I would like to add to this list is values and morals. Having morals is great for confidence. Following your own beliefs of right and wrong, and sticking to your guns will make it clear to everyone and to yourself that you stand for something, be clear and intentional with your decisions and learn how to identify ideas that do not mesh with your values.
Maintenace of confidence
Maintaining your confidence takes practice but will eventually become easier as time goes on. Life has a way of sweeping you off your feet with happiness but also letting you fall.. right on your butt. Whenever this happens it is important to accept the temporary set back but pick right back up. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you are confident and deserving of the things that you aspire to have.
Do something special for your self, it could be a gift or it could be as simple as setting aside “you” time. Forgive yourself for bad or wrong decisions that you made in your past and let it go. This is something that I am currently working on and its getting better. Accept your compliments! Gladly say thank you and remember that people are complimenting you from their hearts, they really believe what they are saying and you should too! Take it in and add that to your personal value. Strengthen yourself by not taking everything personally and if you do, please practice how to move on quicker than you currently do, (baby steps).
Be independent-minded, have ideas, and test them out. Do not be afraid of criticism.
Last but not least confidence is not boastfulness or arrogance and once you can understand this, you will see that a lot of people really are not confident, they just pretend to be. So it doesn’t make sense that you look to them for validation because they don’t have the answers. Trust yourself, trust your gut, trust that you are capable of developing skills that will allow you to make great decisions, and be stylish while honing those skills.
Thank you for reading to the end I appreciate you!
