THE TOP 5 REGRETS OF THE DYING | HOW TO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES
Photo by Laura Vinck on Unsplash
This post was inspired by a few other posts that I came across while doing research on “the biggest regrets of all time”. During the pandemic, I began thinking about all the things that I always wanted to do, fun things, but these “fun things” were ideas that crossed my mind repeatedly over the years but were usually dismissed as unnecessary; for example, I had decided at a young age never to get any random piercings or tattoos since I would like to use myself as an example for my children when explaining why they should not get any of these things. As I got older I started to rethink that decision as I started to see tattoos and piercings that I thought were just amazing! I decided to test the waters in November 2019 by getting a nose piercing, it was a simple procedure that wasn’t that big of a deal. Fast-forward to what now seems like a million years later (8 months) and I am again reconsidering my stance on tattoos, I decided that I wanted to get something small and cute, but again I am hesitant, would I regret this? I then began doing research on the biggest regrets that people have in life and guess what was not on that list? -Tattoos… interesting.
While I was happy that most older folks didn’t care about ink, I was now obsessed with finding out what exactly they had regretted over their lifetime. I came across a blog post by Bonnie Ware that highlighted the top 5 regrets of the dying and this is my own personal spin on those regrets.
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This is completely understandable. We are raised in a society with standards regarding so many different things, we have so many groups with their own norms and we are groomed directly and indirectly to adhere to these requirements. To the dismay of many, fitting into norms usually leaves us eventually feeling lost and empty. You may follow the “right path” and still end up asking your self who am I? The expectations of society are only guidelines, at the end of the day you have to figure out what works for you and live your life accordingly.
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”
I recently had a conversation with someone that said they felt like manual labor was needed in the world but there was no real appreciation for it. I reluctantly agreed. Now I do not think that manual work is unnecessary but I do believe in working smarter not harder. If a task takes an hour to complete, bet your butt the first thing I think about is finding a way to make that task last 30 minutes, this way I can dedicate the next 30 minutes to something else, something I actually like. I was told my whole life that trying to take a shortcut is lazy but I honestly believe that coming up with ways to make tedious things more simple and easy is the way to go. Look at it like this, If you are obsessed with working harder and harder when will you have time to enjoy the fruits of your labor? Think about it this way - Don’t be lazy but also don't be stupid and work yourself into the ground then complain about it because no one will care.
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings”
Children often express themselves openly and without filter, either it’s right or wrong, there is no in-between. If you fast forward a few years you will notice the moment when the gray areas show up, when something is not really right or wrong and they learn about perspective. As we grow older it gets a little challenging to express how we feel because of fear, humans are complex individuals and sometimes we think its better to avoid expressing feelings which we often describe as a “can of worms” and no one wants worms. I’ve noticed one specific yet random thing since I became an adult, a lot of people fake enjoy themselves, and I also did this for a while. Someone would ask me if I had enjoyed something or an event and I didn’t want to seem like a negative Nancy so I replied yes, It was good, It was cool. Lies, it was a really a horrible and unorganized event and my feet hurt the whole time - get it off your chest. Now, this is not a great example of not expressing feelings but it is an example showing that we tend to hold back on such insignificant things which serve as practice for holding back on bigger and more important things.
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends”
As children, most of us had no problems making friends. And if we moved to a new school or a new town we made friends there as well. Once we hit a certain age we are encouraged to keep a small circle of friends which is fine, but these friendships need maintenance and this is what no one tells us to expect. Just like a serious relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, it will take work. You will be required to give as much as you expect to receive out of these long term friendships. I like to say in any relationship people must be committed to the journey that they are on, not just to each other meaning you must be willing to do what it takes to stay on that journey with that person. The journey will be emotional and difficult and I hear a lot of people saying that they outgrew friendships and this is completely understandable but I’d like to think that the reason all these people are on earth is so that we don’t have to “do life” alone. If you have great friends try to keep them, people are like the earth, it seems like just one thing but there are a million things happening inside the atmosphere at any given time. When changes happen within your friendships, try to understand then adapt to stay on the same axis, they will appreciate you and return the favor when you begin to change.
5. ”I wish I had let myself be happier”
Clearly they’ve saved the best point for last because nothing is better than happiness. I cannot stress this enough - no one is responsible for your happiness but you (please read that a second time). Happiness is simple, and it is not hard to come by, but for a lot of people it is a struggle to find happiness because we begin looking for it in places that it does not exist in. Gratitude is the biggest ingredient needed to experience happiness but sometimes we believe that things are so bad that there is nothing to be grateful for and this is a dangerous mindset. You have to be grateful for the small things and celebrate your small wins. I remember once being in the ocean and it began raining, as I started to walk towards the shore I thought that my perfect beach day was being ruined but the rain began to taper off suddenly and the sun came out. As I walked back to the water I noticed a few people who did not leave the ocean at all and I asked one guy why he just stood there getting rained on and his reply was - it rains like this all the time, It’s just a quick summer shower and it is actually a lot of fun to just let it pass over as long as there is no real wind or thunder, it makes the water feel really good. What I learned from this was that sometimes we create problems where they do not exist, I almost allowed a slight drizzle to ruin my day when all I had to do was relax and let the rain pass over me; just like in life, we can choose to let some things pass over us without trying to “do something about it”. We can be happy if we can appreciate the small things in life even if its something as simple as summer rain.
Thank you for making it to the end. Until next time ~
